Dear Spammer

Dear Spammer

Dear Spammer,

It’s been 10 minutes since I saw your last email so I was wondering if anything happened to your email auto-generating supercomputer. This is perhaps the very first time I write to you, I’m really sorry I didn’t earlier, although I always meant to, but was kind of busy playing this little “cat & mouse” fun game with you, you know.

spam-emailThe emails you send, although irrelevant to me, are somehow entertaining. They always keep me on the lookout for that “hidden” unsubscribe link. I since have developed some HTML skills that help me find it, or not. I hope you didn’t take my last reply with “UNSUBSCRIBE” as a headline personal, because it’s not. I was only trying out something, and my experiment did confirm my doubts that the more I try to unsubscribe, the more emails I get from you and other fellow spammers!

Speaking of fellow spammers, one of your peers was decent enough to provide me with a clear “one-click” unsubscribe link, so I thought that was kind of neat and I wanted to thank them by actually clicking on that link. Well, I did, a new page opened up in my browser with a textbox asking me to enter my email address, not sure how that’s one-click, but I voluntarily entered my email address in that box and hit enter anyway, I then received an email telling me that my request will be processed within 5-7 business days, YAAY! In the meantime, I received another email from the same kind spammer, and another one and a bunch of other emails, can’t really tell how many because they were beyond my ability to count! God bless their machines!

Still though, that spammer is better than providing a link that when you click on takes you to an “error page.” At this point, one might think or at least hope, that they got my request and that this error only came when the page was trying to show me the confirmation, well, talk about wishful thinking!

I always wonder if there was a website where I can list all the type of products and services I don’t need or I’m not and will never be interested in, so you don’t have to waste your precious computing powers on someone like me, who’s never going to buy any meds, SEO solutions, lists of emails to spam or even training courses in Las Vegas!

make-money-at-homeOops, I just received a new email from you now. Wait a minute, I forgot to add that I’m not someone who hires accountants and I’m not interested in making $50,000 a month working from home or talking to 21 year old pretty single girls, so those should also go on the list.

Anyway, enough about me and my silly stories, how have you been? I hope you expanded your list of emails and that your cute little spider is having fun crawling around the world web to collect as many email addresses as possible.

By the way, any word on what happened to that widow whose late king husband left her a wealth of USD 50,000,000,000 (according to an article on BBC) and she was looking for me to help her invest that amount?



By Momen Khaiti, 

Sr. PR & Media Specialist, Khalifa University


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